Don't be Emotional

In the past 2 or 3 days, not to mention the past 23 years of my life, but in particular recently, I have been seeking the advice of my parents. I am at that post-graduate limbo of life where I have a job and an apartment and I pay my bills and such, but there is no one guiding me to these things, I am doing them myself, and it is often hard to feel confident or sure that I am doing the right things and making the right decisions. Specifically, I am preparing myself for my first ever job performance review. Now I have been reviewed and evaluated before, at school, and at work, but this will be my first real formal job performance review, and I am hoping to get a raise and more recognition for my value among other things.

In seeking the advice of my parents, one thing has been repeated by both my mother and my father: don’t get emotional.

Now, why, I ask, are the emotions the anti-professional? Sure I understand it. I should be objective and direct and confident, and for some reason “emotional” translates to weak and insecure. And it makes sense to me too. I want to stand up for myself, and assert myself, and advocate for myself because if I don’t who will. But why can’t emotions also play into the equation?

I know, I am a person with a lot of emotions. In fact, it’s kind of my thing. And I also know, my job is emotional. Not that emotions are inherent in the work that I do, but that I care, care deeply, about the work that I do, and I believe in the work that I do. It is emotional.

And why should I have to compromise myself and who I am for some antiquated patriarchal bullshit, which says that emotions are weak?

I’m not delusional. I’m not saying that going into a meeting and yelling, or crying, or being effusive in any way is appropriate or necessary or how I would act. But why is it that in order to be taken seriously in a professional way, one must be devoid of emotions?

Nothing is devoid of emotions! Nothing human at least, nothing living! So why are we so in denial? Why are we so to admit or accept our own vulnerability, our own mortality and embrace our emotional realities?

I will have my performance review, and I will be myself. My professional, intelligent, thoughtful, breathtakingly levelheaded and sensitive self. And I will continue to work in this world, for this company and others, and have emotions. It is what makes me, me. I am a caring and compassionate employee, colleague, friend, sister, and daughter. I will not lose my shit and be overrun with emotions. Nor will I deny myself and be something inhuman, and something I am not. And despite the sage advice of my beloved parents, I will have emotions, and I will not apologize for them.